


What He Deserves

by The_Forgotten_Nobody



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, spoilers for Brotherhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 18:31:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5795347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Forgotten_Nobody/pseuds/The_Forgotten_Nobody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They give it 10 minutes before Doctor Marcoh is forced to admit that if his eyes were going to heal, they would have done so already.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What He Deserves

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be like 500 words max and then expanded uncontrollably. I'm not entirely sure what happened. I may change the summary since I am trying to get this out quickly!

They give it 10 minutes before Doctor Marcoh is forced to admit that if his eyes were going to heal, they would have done so already.  Though the news is a sharp blow to his gut, Roy can’t regret his decision, not when he wouldn’t even be alive if it weren’t for Jean.

And anyway, it’s not as if the stone has had no effect.  The permanent darkness the Truth had left him with has lightened enough that, if he focuses, he can just about make out the blurred outlines of people and objects. Roy thinks there may be colour, but if there is, it’s muted enough that Roy can’t be certain it isn’t his imagination.  Regardless, it’s better than nothing and Roy tells himself he should be grateful, even if it’s not something he thought would happen to him.  At least, not until he was old, grey and had accomplished everything he planned to.

Roy wonders if his dreams are achievable anymore. 

* * *

 Waking up, Roy quickly discovers, is the worst part.  It takes a few seconds of panicked disorientation for Roy to remember what’s happened, to realise there’s no light switch or sun that can clear his vision.  It’s during the morning that the dark thoughts Roy tries to lock away surface and he questions whether it’s even worth getting out of bed because after all, what use is he now?  How can the Flame Alchemist control the flames without sight?  Could the people of Amestris trust a Fürher who can’t even see them to protect the country?

Riza is a godsend in these moments. Since the second morning where Roy refused to leave him room, she’s made a habit of visiting him early in the morning to help/order him to get ready.  Officially, he’s on leave until he’s deemed fit to return but on the fourth day Roy ends up accompanying Riza to the office at her suggestion.  It helps, hearing Jean and the rest of his subordinates and when Riza returns him home, he offers her a quiet thank you.  Riza doesn’t reply, only gives the arm she’s holding a soft squeeze.

Waking up becomes a bit easier after that.

* * *

 One evening, the self-loathing gets too much and Roy turns to the bottle.  The next day, Riza dumps all of his alcohol down the sink.  They don’t speak about it.

* * *

A week after the Promised day, Riza doesn’t arrive alone.  He opens the door and instantly notices the extra sound, a soft panting that can only come from one animal.

Riza’s bought him a dog.

“Her name is Asuka.  She’s a service dog; a black and white border collie.  She’ll be able to help you if you want to go outside alone.”

Roy kneels and holds out the palm of his hand.  The blur in front of him steps closer and a cold nose butts against his palm, sniffing it curiously. Once she’s satisfied, Asuka nudges his hand so that it rests upon her head and smiling, Roy gives her a scratch behind the ears.  While he’s been managing fairly well at home thanks to the help provided by the hospital, he’s been reluctant to leave unaccompanied. 

Not for the first time, Roy wonders what he’d do without Riza Hawkeye.

* * *

 Roy is in the cafeteria eating lunch when a sudden quiet comes over the hall.  Even Asuka (who had been in the midst of ‘secretly’ being fed treats by Breda and Fury) perks up.  It’s only when he hears footsteps, one louder than the other, that he realises who’s appeared.

“Fullmetal.”

The approaching blur halts.

“Damn it, how’d you know it was me?”  If Roy didn’t know better, he’d say there was a hint of a whine in Edward’s voice and it brings a smirk to his lips.

“Despite your rather lacking stature, your presence is quite identifiable.”  He gestures to Edward’s legs and then to the silent crowd who, at his acknowledgement, quickly go back to their conversations – albeit a bit quieter than before.

“Who are you calling so small no one’d notice him?” Ed growls and the lack of vehemence in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed by Roy.  “Looks like losing your sight didn’t make you less of a bastard.”

There’s a sharp inhale to Roy’s far right, though Roy himself is not all that shocked.  Edward has never been one to beat around the bush and Roy can tell his words aren’t said with intent to hurt.  At least, he thinks he can and even so, the casual mention of his disability is almost…reassuring.  It’s an indication that Edward won’t treat him differently, won’t pity him. 

“But it appears gaining your brother’s body and your arm has mellowed you,” Roy eventually replies and to his surprise, Edward lets out a soft laugh.

“Guess I got less things to be angry about now.  So, how are the rest of you guys?  You better give me some good stories otherwise Al’s never gonna believe I actually came here.”

As the rest of the group gets drawn into conversation, Roy only half-heartedly listens.  He’s pleased for Edward, he really is.  He deserves the happiness he’s strived to achieve. 

But that leaves the question.  Does Roy deserve what he’s been given?

* * *

Roy takes to sitting in his office while he’s at work, even though he hasn’t officially returned to duty.  He may not be able to anything but just being in the room can give the illusion he has some purpose.  Generally, Roy only chooses to go inside when he wants some alone time and so he’s surprised when the door opens.

“Colonel?”

“Alphonse?”

So used to hearing the voice within metal confines, to hear it clearly makes Roy pause.  Not for the first time, Roy wishes he had his sight back, even just for a few seconds.  It would be nice to see Alphonse in his real body, not in the armour he can only see when pictures the boy.

“I was wondering if you had a moment?”  Roy can’t tell if Alphonse is just being polite or genuinely thinks he’s busy.

“Of course.  Please, take a seat.”

“I just wanted to say thank you, for everything you did to help us.  Also, I’m sorry about what happened to your sight.  It’s not fair.” 

“I’ve learned that the world generally isn’t fair Alphonse and you have nothing to be sorry for, or thank me for, for that matter.  I was only doing my job.”

“You didn’t have to give Brother the opportunity to become a State Alchemist and I know you sent us on missions you thought would help us find the Philosopher’s Stone.  You looked out for us Colonel.  I know brother is grateful too, even though he may not say it.”

An uncomfortable feeling settles in Roy’s gut.  He’s been given far too much credit.  He chooses to change the subject.  “How is Ed?  He came by for a short visit but there wasn’t much time to properly catch up.”  Because the moment things started getting too personal, he ran.

“Brother is…it’s been difficult for him, being without his alchemy, though he’s trying to hide it.  It used to be our thing but now all he can do is watch and give suggestions.  I try not to use it, or mention it, but sometimes I think that annoys him more.  But he’s coping.  Brother is strong.”

“That he is,” Roy agrees quietly.  “I must say Alphonse, it’s good to hear your voice.  It’s a shame I’m unable to see your real body.”

“Oh, well, people say I look like brother with shorter hair if that helps.  I’m a bit taller too.”

Roy lets out an undignified snort.  “I’m sure Edward is thrilled.”

“I think he’s choosing to ignore it,” Alphonse says and Roy doesn’t need to see to know he’s smiling.  “But really colonel, if you need anything then you can ask either brother or I.  We’d be happy to help.”

“Thank you Alphonse.”

Roy would never ask more from the boys who have already given too much.

* * *

Exactly a month since the Promised Day, Roy wakes and discovers that the bottom of his lamp, which had previously merged with the bedside table, is now more defined.  Roy doesn’t even begin to hope, for fear that if he does, it will revert back out of spite.

* * *

Against the advice of his nurse, Roy decides he’s fit to go back to work a week after that promising morning.  He can’t blame her, for he hasn’t mentioned his slight improvement to anyone, but it’s filled him with confidence he was previously lacking.  It won’t be full time, nor will Roy be able to perform his duties in the same way he used to, but it’s something Roy needs to do.  Fortunately, he’s managed to make fairly good progress with learning braille and Riza has been ensuring that new documents are made that he will be able to use. 

Has he mentioned how much he loves Riza?

He’s reading over the proposed laws to do with the Ischvalan’s integration when there’s a creak signalling the door opening.  The second of hesitation before the person enters tells Roy who it is immediately.

“Fullmetal, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Seriously?  I didn’t even use the metal one!”

Roy smirks and leans back.  “But you hesitated.  While I know I may have once been able to inspire fear, no one feels the need to hesitate anymore.”

Abandoning his care, Edward strides in and there’s a ‘poof’ as he lands heavily on the sofa.  Roy can only imagine him lying down on the red cushions, gold hair splayed out behind him as stares upward at the ceiling, pretending that it’s far more interesting than any conversation they might be having.  It’s a sight Roy finds himself missing.

“You know, I never took you for a wallowing kind of guy,” Edward says offhandedly and Roy gives a bitter smile.

“It’s true though, is it not?  I’m hardly much use without my sight.”

“You could say the same about a kid missing two limbs, or one who lost the only thing he was good at – alchemy.  It’s all I’ve ever known and without it, what can I do anymore?”

His tone is far too reminiscent of Roy’s in his darker moments to just be trying to prove a point.  “Alchemy doesn’t define you Fullmetal-”

“Ed.”

“I – what?”

“Can’t be a State Alchemist without the alchemy, can I?”

He raises a valid point and Roy wonders if Edward has already resigned.  Considering he’d never liked being a ‘dog of the military’, he’s sure it wasn’t (or wouldn’t be) a great hardship.  It would also mean Roy was no longer his superior.  He files this away for later, when he has the opportunity to ask Riza if she knows.

“Edward then,” he amends, enjoying the annoyed grunt Edward lets out.  “As I was saying, alchemy doesn’t define you.  You’re an intelligent young man.  There are a great number of routes you could take that don’t require alchemy and I’m sure that anything you set your mind on you can achieve, excel at even.  There is probably even another job you could get here, if you wanted,” Roy teases. 

“Fuck no!  But that was a pretty nice speech you gave there Mustang.  8 out of 10.”

Roy rolls his eyes.  Not including briefings, this is probably the longest and most pleasant conversation Roy has had with Edward.  Their relationship has never been…friendly, to put it mildly.  But perhaps, now that Edward is no longer focused on helping his brother and Roy is not his commanding officer, they had the potential to become friends.  Roy would…actually quite like that.

“Listen, I’d better head out.  I want to do some sparring with Al while it’s still daylight.  And Mustang, just because you may not be able to see, that doesn’t mean you still can’t be a total fucking badass.”

With that, Ed exits, leaving Roy feeling oddly touched.

* * *

After that initial visit, Ed ends up coming by more often where he gives Roy updates on what he’s doing (scouring the new library for a topic that catches his interest for more than a morning) and how Alphonse is progressing (fortunately, very well).

“In fact, he thinks he’ll be ready to travel soon,” Ed finishes and Roy’s finger stops.

“Will you be joining him?” He asks, selfishly hoping the answer is no.  He’s come to rely on Ed’s visits almost as much as he does on Riza in general.

“Nah, we both decided that after four years of travelling together it’d be good for him to go it alone, get to experience all the stuff he didn’t get to before.”

Though Roy is relieved, he'd detected the shift in Ed’s tone.  “Are you sure it was a mutual decision?”

“Yeah!” Ed insists, too loudly, too quickly.  “It was, I mean it’s just…I’m worried.  What if something happens to him?  He’s only had his body for two months; what if he forgets he doesn’t have the armour to protect him?  I don’t want to risk losing him again.”

“Ah.”  Roy doesn’t have siblings (the closest being Madame Christmas’ girls) so he can’t exactly empathise with Ed but he can imagine he’s feeling similar to the way Roy would have had Ed said he was leaving as well.

“That’s only natural Ed, after what the two of you have been through, but Alphonse can take care of himself.  After all, haven’t you been telling me about all the times he ‘kicks your ass’?”

“I guess,” Ed mumbles.  “But I’m going easy on him!”  He adds petulantly.

“Of course.  Out of curiosity, have you spoken to Al about your concerns?”

“Sort of,” Ed mutters in a way that actually means ‘no’.

“Maybe you should, it might make the both of you feel better.”

Ed sighs but a couple of seconds later he gets up to go and Roy knows he’s going to speak to Alphonse.

* * *

 After all his improvements, Roy doesn’t expect to have a set-back.

Since the days are getting longer and the temperature warmer, Roy decides to decline Riza’s daily offer to give him a lift home.  Instead, he chooses to give Asuka a chance to exercise her talent and help him walk back.  The day has been a good one.  Roy had woken to vibrant colours that were such a relief from the dark, muted tones that he’d nearly wept. Then, Riza had informed him that the rumour of an uprising from a group of Ishvalan’s was just empty threats from a couple of angry young men and not to be considered a problem.  Lastly, Ed had appeared to give samples from his new hobby.  Baking.  They hadn’t been terribly good but the fact Ed chose him as the second tester made him go back for seconds.

It’s Ed he’s thinking about as he crosses the road, only to be suddenly jerked back onto the pavement by Asuka, the sound of a horn beep fading in the distance. The landing causes Roy to fall painfully on his wrist but with the shock he’s in, he barely notices it.  He’d nearly been hit by a car.  A car he should have heard.  Roy’s relieved no one is rushing to help him because that means no one witnessed what just happened.  The Flame Alchemist nearly brought down by a car.  Oh, how the mighty fall.

Not that Roy had ever been that mighty to begin with.

Asuka barks and nudges him.  He should probably get up, maybe even get his wrist looked at.  Eventually, Roy decides to only do the former.  The embarrassment is too fresh and all he wants to do is go back home.  His elation from the day has vanished and he just wants to sleep. 

* * *

The next morning Roy calls in sick.  It’s clear that Riza doesn’t entirely believe him but as long as she doesn’t come over and try and force him out he doesn’t care.  Once that’s done, he feeds Asuka, takes a couple of pain-killers for his throbbing wrist and then goes back to bed, willing the colours to shift into focus, for him not to be so useless anymore.

It’s around noon that Roy hears someone banging on the door, confusing him.  No one apart from Riza would come to his house and he knows from the knocking alone that it isn’t his Lieutenant.  He drags the duvet over his head, hoping the person will go away but if anything, the knocking only gets louder.  With dawning realisation, Roy knows who it must be.  With luck, he’ll give up.

Three bangs later there’s silence and Roy is glad that’s ended.  He’s not in the mood for company, even Ed’s.  Asuka, who had been pawing at the door during the knocking, whines.  She’s especially fond of Ed, even though Ed pretends to barely tolerate her.  It’s almost as amusing as when he claims to hate Alphonse’s cat.

Asuka suddenly shoots to the window, standing on her hind legs so she can peer outside.  Roy wonders what she’s doing and then-

“Oi bastard, I know you’re in there, I can see Asuka!  The least you could do is open the door!”

Roy places his pillow over his head.  He should know better to think that Ed would give up. 

“Hey Mustang, I’m talking to you!  I’m not gonna leave until you’ve at least shown your ugly face.”

The sad thing is, Roy knows he’ll do it.  He’ll stay, continue to shout, annoy Roy’s neighbours and Roy will be forced to apologise when they inevitably complain…

It’s with great effort that Roy finally manages to get out of bed.  He fumbles over to the window, giving a small noise of victory when he succeeds in opening it.

“My face isn’t ugly!” Roy yells to the Ed shaped blotch, now even easier to identify since Roy can see his glowing hair.  “And I don’t want company.”

“Too bad, you’re not hiding from me!”

“I’m not hiding.  I’m ill.”  Roy coughs pointedly but he’s not any more convincing than he was that morning.

“Yeah and I’m the Fürher.”

Roy pauses.  “You know, you could run for it.”

Ed snorts.  “Because politicians would fucking love me.”

Fair point.

“Now bastard, are you gonna let me in or am I gonna have to climb the wall?  Cos I’ll do it.”

Roy shuts the window before Ed can make good on his threat.  He doesn’t want to be partially responsible for the young man breaking his new arm.  Asuka bounds excitedly beside him as he opens the bedroom door and trudges downstairs.  His hand hovers briefly over the handle before he resigns himself to his fate and lets Ed in.  Ed barges past and Roy closes the door with a sigh.

“Nice place you got here.  Tidy.”  Ed comments; already making himself at home and rooting through Roy’s cupboards.  Clearly they have no boundaries anymore.

“Thank you.  Care to explain exactly why you’re here?”

“You weren’t in the office,” Ed says simply.  He’s now in the fridge which, since Roy would normally do his shopping that day, is nearly empty.

“That’s doesn’t explain why you chose to come to my house.”

“I had to see for myself that you hadn’t died.”

“As I told Riza, I’m sick.”

“And that’s the shittiest lie I’ve ever heard.  So seriously, why didn’t you come in?”

Roy frowns and turns away, embarrassment still lingering.  He doesn’t want to admit what happened to Ed.

“I just didn’t feel like it.”

“Why not?”

“I just didn’t, alright?” Roy snaps and the resulting silence is stifling.  He decides to busy himself by making coffee. 

“You know I won’t judge you, right?”  Ed says eventually, voice uncharacteristically soft.  “I get what it’s like, to have bad days.  I also know that even if you think you don’t want it, company helps.”

The coffee machine clicks and Roy replaces the cup, filling the second one.

“…I almost got hit by a car,” Roy admits quietly and when there’s no laugh, scoff or even any words of pity, he continues.  “I was about to cross the street, I didn’t hear it coming and I would have been hit had Asuka not pulled me back in time.”  It feels good to tell someone, even if his cheeks are burning with shame.

“You know, the first time I sparred with Al I forgot I didn’t have my alchemy and ended up with a black eye.  The second time, I sprained my ankle.  I even told Elicia I could fix the toy she broke before I had to admit I couldn’t and Al had to.  Point is; things take time to get used to.  You can’t be expected to deal with it immediately.  In fact, it’d be weird if you got used to it immediately.  Set backs are normal.”

Roy digests these words and guilt begins to form.  Ed will never get his alchemy back but there’s a chance Roy’s sight could return and here he is, offering _Roy_ comfort. 

“When did you suddenly become so mature?” Roy asks, even though Ed’s never been a child, at least not in the time Roy’s known him.  Only now is Roy truly seeing it though, the young man behind the bravado and anger.

“Just so you know, I’m shrugging,” Ed says (even though Roy could tell), and that, apparently, is the end of that.  Roy gives Ed one of the cups of coffee but since there’s a sudden choke and coughing fit, he can safely assume Ed is not a fan.

“This tastes like shit,” he comments bluntly, tipping the coffee down the sink.  It’s a shame, since it’s Roy’s personal favourite (and very expensive) brand.   “We’re going out.”

Roy takes a long sip, though the heat scalds his tongue.  Best to drink it while he can.  “We are?”

“Yep.  C’mon, there’s an ice cream vender nearby.  My treat.”

* * *

It isn’t Ed’s treat because it turns out he doesn’t have any money on him, but that doesn’t matter because he makes up for it the next time they go out and get hot dogs (from a van Roy is fairly certain he’s glad he can’t see).  It’s then Roy’s turn again and he takes Ed to one of his favourite restaurants, a place that up until then he’d been avoiding. 

It takes Roy almost two weeks before he realises what these outings feel like.  Dates.  Though the word has never been said, not even been alluded to, Roy can’t help but think of them as such when the thought enters his mind, when he laughs at one of Ed’s stories, when the silence between them is comfortable rather than awkward.

As it turns out, Roy wouldn’t mind if they were.  Wants them to be, even.

* * *

The day that Alphonse leaves to go travelling, Ed is noticeably withdrawn and upset, even though he refuses to admit it.  As a loss of how to help, Roy offers that instead of dinner out, Ed come to his place where Roy will cook for him.  With the slow improvement of his vision, Roy is now able to easily identify the different ingredients in his kitchen, even if they remain distorted.  As a precaution, he’s practiced the dish he plans on making multiple times and it seems fitting that Ed be the one he test it on, even if his palms sweat at the thought.

“You’re pretty good at this.  You sure you’re blind?”  Ed asks from where he’s sat at the table watching Roy cook.

The usual lie Roy is about to give gets stuck on his tongue.  Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to tell Ed.  Except, would he be rubbing it in?  That while Ed loses his alchemy and his brother goes travelling without him, the price Roy paid is getting fixed?

“Mustang?”

“Actually…I think my sight is returning.”

 “…Are you serious?”

Roy nods hesitantly, unsure of Ed’s reaction.  “It’s been-”

“That’s fucking awesome!  Wait, does that mean the stone worked?  It must have but at a slower speed since there wasn’t much left…I didn’t know the stone could work that way.  But wow, that’s great!  So, can you see me?  Can you see this?”

He shoves his hand into Roy’s face and a soft chuckle escapes his lips.  “While I still can’t see detail, yes I can see your hand.  You can remove it from my face.”

Ed does.  “So, how long as this been going on for?”

“A few months now.  I wasn’t sure at first and then I worried if I mentioned it, it would stop.”  Now that he’s said it out loud, Roy realises how stupid he sounds.  Ed doesn’t judge him though.

“I don’t blame you, the universe can be a dick like that,” Ed says.  “But hey, that means your cheating!”

“Sorry, I didn’t realise there were rules,” Roy says dryly.  “But if you don’t want to try my food…”

“Hey wait a sec I never said that,” Ed hurriedly replies.  “But I am happy for you, you know.  You never deserved to have your sight taken in the first place.  It’s good it’s coming back.”

There it was again, what Roy deserves.

“Thank you Ed,” Roy says.  “I just wish it was your alchemy rather than my sight.”

A stomp as Ed stands.  “Listen Mustang…Roy.  I paid my price willingly and wouldn’t change a single damn thing.  Now you?  You were forced to see the Truth and lose your sight.  You never paid your price willingly whereas I did.  There’s a difference and you need to stop with this bullshit alright?  Be goddamn happy.  You fucking _deserve_ it.”

* * *

Later, Roy will question whether he should regret his actions, whether he took advantage, but when he wakes and the first thing he sees with perfect clarity is Ed’s face, beautiful and peaceful in sleep, he knows he could never regret kissing Edward Elric. 

They both deserve a chance. 

**Author's Note:**

> In case you were wondering, the reason I had Roy regain his sight was because the initial idea for this fic was just one where Ed is the first thing Roy sees when his eyes heal. I just took 4000 words to get to that point. 
> 
> Feedback is appreciated :)


End file.
